Have you giggled at a joke or held his gaze for a few seconds longer than you usually would? If so, you were flirting.
Flirting is defined as the process of making playful romantic or sexual overtures. It's how we initially express a sexual or romantic interest in another person. Generally, if you are attracted to a person, you'll flirt as a way of discovering if they are attracted to you as well. These flirtatious actions include your conversation, body language, and/or physical contact.
Flirting & Body Language
Body language, the physical movements and gestures that convey our emotions, is more powerful than spoken language. According to experts, our non-verbal body language represents 50% of what we communicate, while or tone of voice represents 38% and actual spoken words, just a mere 7%. We often don't even realize that we are communicating when are bodies are sending out messages. Because body language is the most important communication factor between potential mates, it's important to recognize the messages that we are sending out and the messages that are being towards us.
So what does this mean for you and your relationship? If you watch a couple that is deep in conversation, you'll notice how they:
Shift their positions so that they mimic one another. They are generally relaxed, mirroring one another. Shift their breathing patterns as they conversation moves on. Adjust their voice volume to match the other person's.
If you understand the basics of body language, you'll pick up these signs making you more aware of how your dates really feel and aware of what non-verbal cues you are sending out. Body language is more than just a quiver or a shiver. It is comprised of many cues that include flirtatious gestures, facial expressions, eye contact, and body posture.
While both men and women use body language as a means of communication, women generally send five times more sexual body language signals than men.
A few of the more common body language cues include:
Personal Space
One of the most important body language cues to watch out for. If he or she enters your personal space, this is an excellent sign that they want to get closer to you. If they enter to quickly, they're more aggressive and you may not want to pursue it further.
The Arm Cross. Not a good sign. This generally means that he or she is not interested and it's time to back off. Anytime you're in a conversation, crossed arms signifies caution and defensiveness.
A Smile. A smile eases the tension. It indicates friendliness, a positive attitude, a good mood, and the impression that you're fun to be with.
Flirting & Conversation
Conversation plays an important role in the flirting process as it is the time when you actually get to know more about one another. The overall goal is to find out if the other person is right for you.
They key to good, flirtatious conversation is to remember that men and women think differently. Either way, make sure you:
Listen attentively.
Find common ground. The most important aspect of your conversation is to find out what you have in common, be it hobbies, friends, jobs, or whatnot.
Don't talk about yourself too much. Answer his questions, but be sure to ask questions about him as well.
Flirting & Physical Contact
There are several different methods of 'touching' in a flirtatious way, but one of the more important cues at the beginning of the flirting process is the casual touch.
The casual touch, should appear casual and accidental. It may be a gentle touch to the arm as you laugh at his joke or a casual touch to your hand as you're deep in conversation. Either way, you want to make sure that it's friendly and that the other person has a positive reaction to the touch. If the person accepts your touch with a friendly gesture or a returned touch, then all has gone well. If he or she moves away or ignores the touch, then they're not open to the situation. In general, the touch assures the other person that you have let down your defenses and have accepted them enough to get emotionally and physically closer.
Final Notes on Flirting
Because flirting is the way you discover if someone is attracted to you as well, if you flirt and they don't flirt back, it's safe to say you should move on to the next person to whom you are attracted.
Flirting is extremely important at the beginning of the relationship as it's often used in determining the level of interest in dating or sexual activity with the other person. If you're attracted, flirt back!
Sometimes flirtatious behavior occurs as a form of entertainment or to have casual sex rather than long term relationships.
FLIRTING - A Man's Guide
So you want to flirt... or you want to learn how a woman flirts. This guide for men cues you in on the basics of flirting with women and helps you learn how to know if she's flirting with you.
How to Tell if She's Flirting With You
Women give off several nonverbal, flirtatious cues to signify that they are interested and attracted to you. You simply need to know what they are and be observant enough to pick up on them! Most of these flirtatious cues exude sexual suggestiveness, so men may naturally pick up on them. However, the trained eye can pick up so much more. For instance, did you know that the most common flirtatious behavior a woman engages in is the hair flip. When a woman runs her fingers through her hair of flips her hair, she's generally trying to get your attention.
Here are more behaviors women engage in while flirting:
Sways her hips while walking.
Tilts her head and/or exposes her neck.
Licks or bites her lips.
Tosses, plays, or twirls her hair.
Crosses and uncrosses her legs.
Slips her foot in and out of her shoe.
Holds a lingering gaze a few seconds longer than usual.
Giggles or laughs when you laugh.
Engages in friendly teasing.
Winks at you.
Smiles suggestively.
Casually touches to your arm, shoulder, thigh, or hand.
Raises or lowers her voice volume to match yours.
Touches her cheek.
Exposes her palms.
Has tall, straight posture while sitting or walking
Puts her fingernail between her teeth.
Plays with her jewelry.
Raises her eyebrows.
Wears sexy clothes or shows suggestive cleavage.
What to Watch Out For
Now that you know what to look for when flirting, here are few things that you want to avoid. If you notice a woman exhibiting any of these behaviors, it generally means that she's not interested and that it's time to move on.
She's hunched over.
She taps her fingers on the table or on her glass.
She taps her foot or keeps her legs uncrossed.
She won't look you directly in the eye.
How to Approach Her
If all has gone well and you've read her cues properly, it's time to approach her. Tread carefully here though because you're sending out signals while approaching her that could make or break you before you even have a chance to talk to her!
Have self-confidence and exude this when walking towards her. Keep your head held high and your chest out.
Smile. Smile. Smile.
Keep it easy going and carefree.
Don't immediately invade her personal space as it's an aggressive behavior and will generally scare her off.
Have a good opening line prepared and practiced. You can choose based on the situation, but make sure that it's unique, clever, and most definitely not cheesy or overly suggestive. Humor tends to work well.
Tell her your name and that you'd like to spend some time with her talking.
Once You're There.
Once you're there, it's time to get the conversation started.
Speak openly and honestly.
Nod or give verbal cues such as 'uh huh' or 'yeah' to show that you're listening and validating her comments.
A little humor is always a good thing. Did you know that the majority of women say that they're looking for someone who can make them laugh?
Don't talk about yourself too much. Answer her questions, but be sure to ask questions about her as well.
Find common ground. The most important aspect of your conversation is to find out what you have in common, be it hobbies, friends, jobs, or whatnot.
Remember that while most men define themselves by their job or career, women are generally more interested in you spend your off time. Make sure that you let her know.
FLIRTING – A Woman’s Guide
So you want to flirt... or you want to learn how a man flirts. This guide for women cues you in on the basics of flirting with men and helps you learn how to know if he's flirting with you.
How to Tell if He's Flirting With You
When men flirt, they generally give off cues that exude their masculinity. If your notice that a guy is exhibiting any of these behaviors or gestures, then it's likely that he's flirting with you! Get your flirtatious grove on and flirt back.
These include:
Arches his back.
Sways his pelvis.
Laughs loudly.
Tugs his tie.
Clasps back of his neck.
Squares his shoulders.
Puffs his chest.
Stiffens his stance.
Teases you in a friendly manner.
Winks as you from a distance.
Smiles suggestively.
Engages in direct eye contact.
Casually touches you.
What to Watch Out For
Now that you know what to look for when flirting, here are few things that you want to avoid. If you notice a man exhibiting any of these behaviors, escape now.
He walks over with over-confidence.
He approaches in a controlling manner and dominates the conversation.
He invades your personal space right away.
How to Approach Him
If all has gone well and you've read his cues properly, he'll either approach you, or you can approach him. Tread carefully either way. If he's approaching, you don't want to do anything to undermine his confidence. Remember, it takes a lot for a man to just walk up to a woman and talk to her. If you're approaching him, remember that you're sending out signals during the approach that could make or break you before you even have a chance to talk!
Lock eyes for a few seconds, then drop your gaze. Eye contact is a sign of openness. Most men will pick up on this flirtatious and approach you.
If the guy is approaching you, be classy and charming. He's probably nervous and a bit worried about rejection. Take these into consideration and play nice.
While he's approaching, smile suggestively. Experts agree that smiling is one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more attractive and approachable.
Once You're There.
Once he's arrived (or you have), it's time to get the conversation started.
Speak slowly and with direct statements rather than abstract ones. Remember that men are less 'feely' than women.
Laugh at his jokes, but don't overdo it.
Keep your eyes on him, but glance away. Men tend to not engage in direct eye contact as much as women.
Ask him about his job as Men tend to define themselves by their careers.
Find common ground. The most important aspect of your conversation is to find out what you have in common, be it hobbies, friends, jobs, or whatnot.
Don't talk about yourself too much. Answer his questions, but be sure to ask questions about him as well.
